• October 20, 2014 /  Uncategorized

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    I live in the country with my family and I LOVE it!  Even as a little girl I dreamt of living way out in the countryside.

    I grew up in a small town.  When I married I moved to another small town where my husband and I rise our children for 25 years.  There came a day when the children and I had to make a move.  And, well, a house to rent opened up way out in the country…but I kinda freaked…cause I don’t trust myself too much.  So I kept talking to my LORD, saying, “FATHER, I always THOUGHT I would love country living but now face to face with the opportunity, I don’t know! What if I get out there and can’t stand it!  What if this isn’t such a good idea LORD and I’m stuck…out there…in the middle of nowhere…someplace I hate…or I’m afraid to be…LORD, only YOU know what is best for me…only YOU know what I would really love…and if YOU know that this would not be good for me please, please close tight all the doors.  So LORD, I am asking YOU, to look down through my years and into my future and find me…and set me up LORD where YOU know I should be.”

    And guess what?  HE did.  Now it ain’t heaven but I am so blessed and so enjoying my country home.  GOD did grant me a heart desire.  And I am forever grateful.  I live on a beautiful little piece of land.  GOD did make that portion of my life’s story beautiful in its time.

    The next cool little secret heart’s desire I’ve held since a little girl is that I’ve always wanted a little homesteady type place.  Yeah, a little self-sufficient farmette, where I’m learning and growing and planting and living.  Since I was a little girl, that was a dream.  After I moved to the country a friend approached me one day, “Kim, I have a chicken I want to get rid of.  Do you want him?”  Well I had always thought that raising chickens would be way cool but again I freaked!  “LORD, I don’t know anything about chickens!  I can barely feed my kids let alone chickens!  Maybe it would be harder work than I’ve imagined!  Maybe LORD, I would really hate chickens.  Oh FATHER, YOU know me way better than I know me…and if YOU know that chickens would be a horrible idea LORD, close the door on that chicken…cause I don’t know LORD but YOU do!  So LORD look down once again through my time and my space in this world and either set me up with chickens or keep them away as YOU see best!

    And guess what?  I’ve got chickens!  And I love chickens!  I love watching my chickens.  I love the work of chickens.  I love the eggs my chickens make!  In my estimation chickens are pretty homesteady!  Yep, GOD did it again.  HE took this little girl’s secret heart’s desire and turned it into a reality in HIS time…in HIS way…HE did it… HE made beauty.

    Not only that but over the past seven years I have put in about 20 raised garden beds of all different sizes!  I’ve planted all kinds of veggies and fruits!  I’ve got herb gardens and grape vines and strawberry beds and garlic beds!  I’ve planted asparagus beds and raspberry patches and elderberry bushes!  My kiddos and I built our chicken pasture and wood shed!  Oh yeah, I think I got me a little homestead!!!

    GOD has brought beauty out of ashes for this little girl…in many ways…HE has.  HE has taken broken and ripped and torn and unfair and scary and hard and unbelievable messes…and in HIS time…and in HIS way HE has made beauty for one little girl who said, “LORD, YOU alone, know what is really best for me.”

    And guess what?  I’m not HIS only little girl.  And HE is no respecter of persons. HE’S got lots of little girls…and HE is in the job of making little girls dreams come true…and bringing beauty out of their messes.  Amen?  Amen.

     

  • October 19, 2014 /  Uncategorized

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    Dear Hagar,

        I’ve been reading about your life in the BOOK.  Seems to me you had a rough one.  Looks like a pretty raw deal to me.

       You were Sarah’s servant.  That means you lived to serve Sarah… all the time.  When Sarah saw she wasn’t bearing children she used you as a piece of property to bear her a child.  You had no say in the matter since she was your master.  You got pregnant.  You
    hated Sarah for what had been done to you.  Bearing a child to be raised by another woman….while you continued to be a servant.   Who could blame you? 


         Then Sarah had her own kid…and she didn’t need yours anymore.  From the beginning it has proved to always be trouble when two “wives” share the father of their children.    Anger, jealousy, competition…oh boy!  This was pretty intense in your case and Sarah insisted that you and your son be put out.  This grieved your child’s father, Abraham’s heart.  But GOD spoke to Abraham and Abraham sent you away…into the wilderness…with a sandwich, a bottle of water and the care of your son.  

          Wait a minute! You didn’t ask for this kid.  You even once returned to Sarah, though she was treating you harshly during your pregnancy.  Remember?   That’s where you met GOD. That is where HE spoke to you by the spring in that wilderness. 

          Anyway, here you are now sent out into yet another wilderness with no provisions.  How Sarah must have smirked when she saw you walking away.  She had conquered again. 

        You wandered in the wilderness, it says, then ran out of water. So you set your son under a bush to die…you walked away and you cried. It says that GOD heard the voice of the lad crying in the wilderness…then GOD spoke to you.  “What is the matter with you Hagar?  Do not fear for GOD has heard the voice of the lad where he is.  Arise, lift up the lad and hold him by the hand for I will make a great nation of him.” 

        Then GOD opened your eyes…. And you saw water!!!!   You stood up. You gave some drink to your boy.  You held his hand….you lifted him up… and you both lived …in the wilderness.  

       You raised your son, alone in this wilderness.   He did become a great nation. Just like GOD said.  


       Wow, Hagar.  GOD Himself must have been your provider and HE must have been your protector and HE must have been your shield.  HE must have taken what was meant for your destruction and OVERRULED it and turned it for good.  HE must have or you both surely would have died there in that wilderness.

        Well Hagar, that’s quite a story line.  I can only imagine the daily details.  But GOD did meet you through it all.  And HE did do what HE said HE was going to do.  And HIS plans were accomplished. And you didn’t die there in that wilderness.  Your kid didn’t die in that wilderness. You lived, and you prospered, and you succeeded. And you Hagar, lived the rest of your life free.

     Now your story has been written down for all to see.  Thanks.

    See You in Heaven,
    Kim

    *As a single mom, Hagar’s story in Genesis 21 has both annoyed me and astounded me.  Although I wrote this several years ago at a pivotal point in my life, I can still relate to the raw emotions and honest expressions typed here.  Bottom line is; however it is, that we as single mommas, find ourselves living in a wilderness…with little provision…and sole care our kids…GOD will be faithful to us!  We will not die in that wilderness but we will live and tell what the LORD has done! Psalm 118:17.

  • October 18, 2014 /  Uncategorized

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    We were all ready and set.  I had the kids figured out.  I had borrowed a reliable car.  I had rearranged my finances so this was gonna be do-able.  And I had check lists written with everybody’s name neatly penciled on them.  In just a couple hours we would be heading out.

    Step 1…check.
    Step 2…check.
    Step 3…check.
    Step 4…go have an ablation of the heart, with my kid Noah…no check.

    We had waited for months for this scheduled procedure.  This was a good and necessary procedure to locate the arrhythmia in my kid’s heart…and blast that re-entry circuit out of there.  The idea is to eliminate this abnormal pathway, that would at times, cause  Noahies heart to whip out beats to the tune of 220 a minute!

     The specialist had scheduled a 6 hour procedure that I had learned to be fairly familiar with.   Two (out my other 9 kiddos)  had also been through this procedure, when they were just about Noahies age.  It wasn’t fun then.  It wouldn’t be fun now.  But it was a good thing to do, in a good hospital, with good skilled doctors….  Check, check, check.

    As a single momma of lots of kids I make lots of check lists…every day.  And all of those check lists are located on “My Brain”….a clipboard, loaded with papers, that sits a top my kitchen counter.  “My Brain” has proved to be way more reliable than the brain in my greying head.  If an item is on a list on “My Brain”…it will get done…. Check, check, check.

    But, alas and alek,  as much a this good mama prays and plans and prepares, she suddenly find herself wheeling around a sharp curve heading into a U turn.  Blah!

    My kid gets a head cold.   It’s not that big of a deal.  In a large family with way -more –bigger- health problems than a cold, I hesitate to even call the Dr.  I drag my feet.  Yet, the good mama in me decides to make the call anyway “just to be sure.”  

    I swear I didn’t exaggerate.   If anything I was very nonchalant.  I wanted this operation.  And I wanted it now.  As planned on “My Brain”…on my check list.

    After 2 phone conversations with the Specialist I hear “Well, Mrs. Waterman, we have decided to reschedule.  It would be the better thing to do.  We will call you back with another appointment.”  Blah again!

    That’s not what my brain says!  That isn’t even an option on my list!  I can’t check off rescheduled, cause rescheduled aint there!

    The emotions of change are very real.  Big change or little change. Especially when change is sudden.  When change is unexpected.  When change is not on the check list.

    But there it is (again) change of plans plopped smack dab down in front of my face, splattering its remains all over “My Brain” and gooping up my check list.

    A big glop of change dribbles into my brain.  My greying head brain. And drains though my cerebral lobe like water through sand.  

    My greying head brain doesn’t like change.  Never has.  Chances are it never will.  
    As my already-set-in-one-direction-that-I waited-a-long-time-for brain begins to process this U turn it slips off the road and stalls.  The thoughts in my brain aren’t pretty.  They are sad. They are confused. They are tired. They are spent.

    Funny thing…how when ONE dribble of change, invades my brain cells…it grows and changes and morphs into a hundred more “change is hard” thoughts and throws me into a tizzy.  A big tizzy.  I suddenly remember how hard and stressful my life can be.  I recall some very specific changes that have taken place in my life.  I ponder how those changes occurred.  I reminisce on the pain of change. The fear of change.  I sense again the  I -cant -breathe choking sensation of pain.

    So here I am again.  Stalled on the side of the road half way thru a U turn.

    But hold on a minute.  Something new is happening here!  What’s this?  I hear my engine.  It’s still running.  I may be stalled but I’m not dead.  I still got battery within me.  I still got some life left.  Some U- turning to do.  A path to get back onto so everybody behind me, who’s following me, doesn’t run off the road and stall too.

    And I decide, right then and there, by the grace of GOD, to take that goop of change, and speak to it. Instead of letting it do all the talking to me.

    Hhmmhhh…I clear my throat.  And I speak aloud to change. “Yes, this is stinky.  I agree. And it wasn’t on “My Brain.”  Disappointment is hard.  Disappointment is heavy.  But I can feel the weight of disappointment and not let its weight crush me.  It’s okay.   Though all the many, many changes in my life…GOD has been faithful.  He has been there.  He has never left me.  Change may leave me stranded on the side of the road but JESUS never has.  He has helped me every step of the way.  And HE will help me again.  This isn’t the end of me.  It’s not the end of my kid.  It’s not the end of the road.  It’s a U-turn.  And I can do U-turns.  The scripture and experience tell me that.  So change, scream if you must, morph if you will.  But you can’t divide and conquer this time.  My GOD is using this change for my good, just like HE has every other change in my life.  So hear this loud and clear….you, oh change, are gonna be good for me.”

    All of a sudden I feel a jolt.  I sense forward movement beneath me.   My wheels are turning and there I go.  I’m back on the road and completing this U-turn!  I continue forward, back to the starting point.  Back to the check list.  Back to the beginning.  Back to “My Brain.”  Back to plans to be made and arranging to do.    That wonderful, fabulous, nifty  thing….I look around at the scenery and  I notice that  I am actually so much further down the road of my life’s journey than I have ever been before.

    MAN MAY MAKE HIS PLANS BUT THE LORD DIRECTS HIS STEPS………Proverbs 16:9

    I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU…Hebrews 13:5

    I KNOW THE PLANS THAT I HAVE FOR YOU SAYS THE LORD, THEY ARE PLANS OF GOOD AND NOT OF EVIL TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE, A HOPE AND A BETTER END THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE….Jeremiah 29:11

    HE HOLDS MY TIMES IN HIS HAND AND ALL MY WAYS….Daniel 5:23

    GOD HAS ASSIGNED ME MY PORTION AND MY CUP….Psalms 16:5

  • October 17, 2014 /  Uncategorized

    179107_388675747911690_1558614664_n As is my daily habit, I pull my three teen boys out of bed for breakfast, BIBLE, chores and school. In that order. Every weekday. Pretty much. One morning last week I took a detour from our study of Hebrews and spoke a word that GOD had laid on my heart. It went something like this…

    “Boys, did you know that JESUS came from a big family? Well, HE did. And we know that because the BIBLE tells us HE had four brothers and two sisters. (Matthew 13:54-57) And those are just the siblings recorded. Maybe HE had more; I don’t know. But JESUS lived with at least nine people in a small house. Nine persons of different ages, different personalities, different preferences, and different opinions.”

    “And boys, did you know that JESUS’S family was poor? Like destitute? And we know that because they had to buy turtle doves for their sacrifices, not animals like sheep and goats.” (Luke 2:24) ”I’m sure you remember that somewhere along the way, JESUS’S earthly dad, Joseph died. That means that JESUS lived in a single mom home.”

    “Soooooo…JESUS grew up in a large, poor, single mom home. Notice any similarities to your lives? You, boys, are in good JESUS company. JESUS has been through everything you have been through and more. The SCRIPTURE says we share in CHRIST’s power and HIS suffering.(Philippians 3:10) It’s good for you to do that. And catch this one kids. As horrible as it was for our Savior to suffer and die…as terrible as the physical pain and torture of the beatings and whippings and scourging’s and nails…the very worst thing for JESUS was when HIS FATHER turned away from HIM. Yes, because of all the world’s SIN laid on JESUS, the FATHER left JESUS, the FATHER walked away from the SON…. right when JESUS needed HIM most….that act of abandonment caused JESUS the most unbearable pain…and JESUS cried out ‘Father, why? Why have you left me?'” (Matthew 27:46)

    “Alright boys, GOD is writing your story. And HE has planned your path. He knows all your history and every unfair, wrong thing that has been done to you. And He feels your pain…cause HE’s been through your pain. Now some of you are trying to swallow your pain down, some of you might want to puke it up….but, however, your choosing to deal with your pain you have a FRIEND in it…who has been there.”

    “And good news boys, that FRIEND will never abandon you or forsake you. HE will never turn away… never walk away…never leave you alone. Never. HIS heart is for you. HIS ear is bent toward you. HIS love washes over you. And HE gets it. HE really really gets it. Cause HE has lived the life your living.”

    I stop and look intently into each one of my baby-turned-to-young man’s faces. My eyes swell with tears as I feel their pain for them. My boys quietly return my gaze. Everything is still. Everything is sober.

    My middle son finally ventures to break the silence and speaks, “You know…I was just wondering…if JESUS’S mother was as crazy as you are?”

    Bah da bing bah da bang.