• February 15, 2015 /  Uncategorized

    snowWe headed out to church like any other Sunday.  Except the wind was whipping making visibility poor and the chunks of ice caked up by my tires, which we could not chisel off, made it difficult to drive.
    So i made the executive decision to turn back…and go home.

    Walking through the snowy path back to the house i slipped and fell into the snow bank.   As i struggled to get back up i felt cold, fat, frustrated and weary.  It has been a long winter.  It has been a long few years.

    Heaving myself up and gathering my dispersed belongings… i began to cry.
    I didn’t plan that.
    It just happened.
    And it wasn’t because i had slipped into the snow.

    The dip into that snow bank was the stopping point on a long list of “One more thing.”

    And “One more thing”  caught up with me in that snow bank and would not let go.

    And “One more thing” whispered….”You’re never gonna make it.”
    “Your’e always gonna be poor, weak, tired, and lacking.”
    “You’re never gonna rise above…be made whole…or victorious.”
    “You don’t have what it takes to do this life you’ve been assigned.”                                                                       “So why keep trying…give in…sit down…and stay down.”

    I went into my room and i kept up the crying…and crying.
    but there were knocks on my bedroom door…
    the buzz of a text message
    and the sound of our ringing house phone….

    Really?  You would think i’d have 15 minutes to cry alone….but life doesn’t stop when mama cries.
    Even when she’s fallen into a snowbank.
    Even when she feels like the biggest loser… or the most incompetent mom…or the weakest link…or the tired, worn out heap of a mess.

    I sat on my bed, in wet clothing, now cry-less, unable to process the looong list of “One more thing”  that i knew wanted to dominate my brain cells.  That list of my life’s experiences was staring me down and demanded a show down.  That list of real-true-everyday-stuff-that-i-constantly-live-in didn’t budge.  He wouldn’t’ move until i at least acknowledged him. He wouldn’t back up, back off or step aside.

    It was just me …and him.

    This time i made the first move.
    Slick and quick without hesitation.
    I claimed the “first draw”.
    I grabbed my laptop.
    And i began to write.
    Because i know there is someone else out there.
    That fell into a snowbank today.
    That almost couldn’t get up.
    That has their own “One more thing list” running repeat in their head.
    That feels like they aren’t gonna make it this time.

    When you’re done crying….
    And can read these words..
    I want to help you start a new list…
    A list called…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    If you have been sexually abused as a kid…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If your parents are divorced…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If a loved one has committed suicide…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you have been mentally/emotionally abused…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you live in chronic pain and illness yourself…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you have a child that lives in daily pain and illness…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you know the pain or rejection and abandonment…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you have been divorced…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you had to pack up your life and restart…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you are a single mama…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you have visited a loved on in prison…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you have experienced the heart ache of drug addiction, porn addiction, alcohol addiction, food addiction…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you have a family member with mental illness…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    IF you have visited anorexia clinics, psychiatrists, drug rehab facilities, multiple on going doctors offices, surgery centers, court rooms and the District Attorney’s office…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you live in  poverty…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you wonder how your gonna put food on the table this month…or buy gas…or sneakers…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    If you are over whelmed with the daily grind of life…YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    We all have our lists.  All of us.
    And i am well aware my life list could be filled with much more painful and heartbreaking experiences.
    I am very grateful that i have not tasted the sorrow of  many things… such as some of my dear sisters have.

    I know but a little about a few things…but they are real things…and they are my things…and they are things that pile up and make me cry when i fall into a snow bank.

    But they are also the very things that give my story some credibility.

    And they are the things i can open up to others….when they are crying in a snowbank…along side the road of their journey…when their “One more thing list” whispers in their ear…that they aren’t gonna make it…

    ………………………..THE LORD HAS ASSIGNED ME MY PORTION AND MY CUP…………………..

    ………………………………………and it was meant to be shared………………………………………………………..

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE

    Posted by kimbwaterman @ 9:44 pm

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