• December 5, 2015 /  Uncategorized

    plan a

    My life with a Mild Traumatic Brain Injury has been very interesting to say the least. I’ve been waiting for 8 1/2 months to walk out of this “new” life and back to my “old” one.  But waiting is not my forte.

    I take great comfort in my homemade motto. The saying that has echoed into every doctor’s visit, each specialists appointment, and all physical and occupational therapist office. It’s my goal on this path. My personal pledge.
    “I will do everything I can within the resources available to me to aid in my recovery.”  And I check that mantra with every health care physician I see to be sure I am doing just that.

    Besides being a woman of flesh, I am a woman of the Word. I know and understand that my life is being held in the nail-scarred hands of my loving Creator, and He alone has the final say over every happening of me. I believe that truth more than I trust in my motto.

    A couple of months ago, during a time of prayer, a good God loving sister brought me a word. In essence, the word said that “As a baby is in the womb nine months so you will be in this concussion nine months, and then you will be birthed out.”
    I like that word.  I’ll take that word. I’ll embrace that word. I expect that word.
    My God friend had no way of knowing that way, way back in the beginning of my concussion journey, just two weeks into this adventure, God came to me in a vision. And in that vision God took me back to the womb. I saw myself conceived. I saw myself develop. I saw myself at every stage of growth. I saw myself birthed.
    Actually rebirthed as an adult… the me of today. Interesting stuff.

    So now I put those two ideas together is my head. I ponder. I meditate, I wait.
    I lay my heart out before God to be sure it is squeaky clean and ready for His arrival. Because I believe God can do anything He wants, anytime He wants, with anybody He wants. I believe.

    The nice thing about this word is that it is time sensitive. It will be easy to track. A baby is nine months in the womb. An overdue baby?  Add on a couple of weeks. My due date is December 21, 2015. Give or take a week or two. If this is the plan of my Lord, I can expect to have newness of life in just a few weeks.
    And newness of life for me would look like walking and driving and running and dancing and playing. It would leave me cane-less, shades-less, and earplug-less.
    I would once again be able to church-it, basketball-it, and friends-it.
    A baby growing in the womb was created to be born. She was designed to be her own separate entity. She was planned to develop then be birth out into great things. There is no middle ground. No half-way. No almost. It’s all, or it’s nothing.

    It was slightly amusing to me that I received a word from the doctor and a word from the Lord. Both words may seem different, but they aren’t… they are very much the same. “You, Kim, need a miracle.”

    So now I ponder, I watch, and I pray.

    While I wait, I guard my heart.
    Because broken dreams are hard doorways to walk through.
    Disappointment can be a cruel taskmaster.
    And bitterness looks ugly on me.
    I prefer while I am watching to see how this unfolds to side with my old testament buddies Shadrack, Meshack and Abendigo. Those three devoted followers of their God spoke well when they were faced with their own fiery furnace. And I like that they had a plan A and a plan B.  (Daniel 3:16-18)
    Plan A…Our God is able to deliver us, and He will deliver us!
    Plan B…Even if He doesn’t we will not serve any other.
    It’s no deal breaker with us.

    So folks…one way or another you and I are going to get to witness a miracle.
    As I open the door a crack and let you into my biggest life’s stuff.
    I appreciate you coming and visiting for awhile.
    I feel so honored and blessed that you would spend some of your day with me.
    Thanks for the company around my kitchen table.
    It’s good to know you’re here.
    And you will be one of the firsts ones to know
    if it’s a plan A or a plan B for your friend Kim Barnes Waterman,
    who acknowledges that either plan is a bonified miracle of God.
    I covet the first. I am prepared for the second.
    And honestly the second may be the greater miracle.

  • December 5, 2015 /  Uncategorized

    rings

    Walking through the land of Mild Traumatic Brain Injury for the past 8 1/2 months has been, to say the least, an interesting journey.
    A journey I never expected to take, nor would have made reservations for.
    It’s a foreign land to me. A land filled with uncharted trails and unmapped seas.

    From the get-go, I had set small goals for myself and imagined periodic finish lines. I envisioned me running to the end of this unplanned path, bursting through the red ribbon that signified “done”… race over…and then getting back to my “normal” life, leaving this brain injury as history, just another chapter in my book.

    I had not stopped to contemplate that this brain injury had the possibility of presenting itself throughout all the remaining pages in my life’s story.
    I never considered that Post Concussive Syndrome had such staying power.
    I hadn’t pondered the facts that a brain injury can twist and turn its way into every remaining chapter in my book.
    I just didn’t go there. Until recently.

    Pain brings heartache on many levels. Her sister Suffering usually tags along.
    It’s easier for me to skip over those paragraphs in my life’s lessons than to face them head on. Looking Pain in the eye ain’t usually pretty. And Suffering? Well, she can be downright intimating.
    So it is no wonder that I have avoided those girlfriends. Not wanting to hang out with them too long. They can be friends, but usually friends of a long cold night.
    I prefer friends in the bright sunshine, that bring me flowers, not thorns.

    By the time of this writing, I have given myself some time to digest my last few doctors visits. They all rang of the same theme, still I wasn’t getting the big picture until yesterday when I asked a question. I asked a question that wasn’t on my well-planned list of questions.
    I asked it unexpectedly and suddenly and without warning. I had not weighed the possibility of the probable answers because I never considered this a question to be asked. Still, in the midst of a long appointment with my top-notch neurologist, my go-to man, this question popped into my head, and I asked it out loud, “Doctor, am I going to get well?”

    And he answered me honestly.

    Tears and tears and floods of tears amidst the talk of therapies, and medicines, and treatments and accommodations. I asked more questions. I got more answers from my neurologist a man that specializes in brain injuries and sees them every day.

    At the end of my appointment while gathering the used tissues in my lap
    I turned to my doctor and said, “So what you’re saying is that I need a Miracle?”
    “Yes, Kim, you need a miracle.”
    “Okay, well God could give me a miracle.”
    “Yes, He could.”
    “My God is faithful,” I replied, “He has brought me through so much.”
    My doctor nodded silently.
    With tears swelling up in my eyes again, I reached for my cane.
    I choked back the sting of past pains. Memories of distant suffering.
    “This is not the worst thing I’ve been through doctor.  And it’s not a deal breaker for me. I will serve my Lord in whatever state I am in. I’ve made a vow to Him,
    ‘For better or for worse,  in richer or in poorer, in sickness and health, in the good times and the bad.’ And I’m not a deal breaker.”

    I turned and walked slowly, quietly and deliberately past the crowds of people.
    I traveled down the spiral staircase one small step at a time.
    The sights and smell of life were all around me as I pull open the front door of the building, and stepped out into the Holy place. The center of my God’s will.

    Authors note: There is a follow-up blog to this one coming out Monday revealing what I believe God has spoken in this situation. Look for it. Whenever I blog, I realize I put myself out there for comments. That’s part of being a writer. Please, take the time to be considerate with your well-meaning comments. I am still praying and processing this life event. I could use your kindness today readers. Love to all!

  • December 2, 2015 /  Uncategorized

    manger cross blog post

    In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God…and the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us.” John 1:1+14

    When Jesus stripped off His God clothes and took one giant step down to earth, He was revealed as a babe in the manger. Luke 2:12
    When Christ hung on that cross, dying for the sins of this world, His appearance was so mangled He wasn’t even recognized as human. Isaiah 52:14
    When Jesus Christ returns in all His glory He will present as the risen Savior, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Victor over all. Revelation 19:11-16

    In order to reach our hearts, Christ took the responsibility upon Himself to become everything we would need Him to be. To guarantee our salvation, He became a baby, disfigured flesh, and the returning King. All three manifestations of Christ are good and necessary.

    Without the babe in the manger born to the meek and humble peasant girl, we would not have Christ incarnate. Immanuel. God in the flesh with us.
    Without His bloody body nailed to that Cross, we would have no redemption of sins. No forgiveness. No rescue. No salvation.
    Without our returning King, we would all be left hanging in limbo hoping for a better tomorrow.  Looking to the skies and wondering where God had gone and why He had left so suddenly.

    There are many gods in this world, to be sure. And all of these gods sit in their heaven and require mankind to “work themselves up” to them.
    These gods demand designated works, money, penance, good deeds, even killings to gain their favor.
    These gods expect man to become “good enough” to step up into their presence.
    Then there is Jesus. The Word that became flesh.
    The only God that I am aware of that says,
    “There is no way you could ever work your way up to me. I see you lost in your sin and your suffering. I love you too much to let you stay there. So here now, I will come down to you. I will step down into your world, into your pain, into your life and I will rescue you. And I will pull you up to me. Don’t worry about a thing. I’ve got this.”

    Though he was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.
    Philippians 2:6

    Happy Word became flesh season.