Living with a head injury has been an unexpected challenge.
A challenge I never thought I would have to face because head injuries happen to other people, not to me.
14 months of doctors and therapists.
14 months of daily debilitating symptoms.
14 months of no driving, and minimal out-of-house activities.
14 months of assisted walking and talking.
Yeah, this drama is for the movie theaters, not my living room!
I have recently come to terms with the fact that barring a miracle;
I will have to continue facing challenges and making accommodations for some time. I will need to listen to my badly botched brain and heed its voice. I must remember my triggers and pay attention to my body’s warning signs. I am going to have to learn some more tricks of the brain-injured-trade and apply them to my daily living for awhile. And that’s just the physical stuff!
Since I am a creation of body, soul, and spirit…I got two other parts of me that need attending to also!
I have been inspired by an internal challenge.
One I bet most disabled persons face at one time or another.
It is a challenge I have just stumbled over.
A challenge that presented itself upon the realization that,
“This head injury ain’t going away anytime soon.”
And the challenge is……….
HOW DO I LIVE WITH THIS DISABILITY AND NOT LET IT BECOME MY MASTER?
The dilemma remains a real one for me since my brain tells my whole body what to do. Every single part of me is under the influence of the magnificent control center lodged in my head and how it processes, analyzes, computes, and puts-out………….
effects not only my every waking moment but all my sleepy time too!
I just can’t seem to get away from….my brain.
So amidst my vision therapy and my vestibular therapy and my light therapy.
Along with my 10-minute strolls and lengthy rest periods, I am contemplating how to maneuver my life physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually like Jesus Christ is my Master….not my brain injury.
When I am talked about behind closed doors, or when I enter a room, I want the buzz about me to be, “Hey, there’s Kim! She is a lover of Jesus! A preacher of His Word! She prays like there is no tomorrow and she has blessed the socks off of many around her. She has a heart of compassion, and she is a generous giver. She is a wonderful daughter, sister, and friend. She is completely in love with each of her kids and their relationships prove themselves. Oh, and by-the-way, did you know she has a head injury?”
I want my head injury to be the “Oh, by the way.” Not the topic of the discussion.
I want my head injury to be an after thought, not the conversation starter.
I want my head injury to take a back seat. And Christ to take the steering wheel.
My head injury has the power to re-define me and my standard of living
BUT it does not have the power to become my identity.
That spot has already been filled by my position as a child of the King.
My identity has already been hidden in Christ Jesus.
The who-I-am has already been sealed. It’s settled for all eternity, and I plan to work it out, brain injured or not, all the days of my earthly life.
So while I muddle through and figure, while I sigh and cry, while I play and pray, I am reminded that although everything has changed, the core of who I am, the very essence of my beings stands sure, fixed and immovable. This brain injury will not define me…the definition of “me” has already been written down in the Lord’s Book for all eternity. And I am convinced now more than ever that,
“My light momentary affliction is preparing for me for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” (2 Corinthians 4:17)
Where head injuries don’t exist, and disabilities can’t live. Where my foot will never slip, nor will it stumble. Where my words will flow freely, my speech will be clear, and my walking will be steady. Where no trace of pain can enter. No inkling of suffering can stand. These truths cause me to smile with relieved reassurance. They help me to look towards Heaven and state, “Yeah, this brain injury cannot define me, nor is it my destiny. I already know who I am. I already know where I am going. I have one Master in Heaven who controls all the universe, and that would include my teeny pea brain.”
My brain injury may try, but it can not become my master.
It will never be my identity.
Jesus Christ defeated that notion 2,000 years ago on the Cross.
The battle for the prime spot in my life was fought at Calvary.
Brain injury was defeated. Jesus Christ won.
Now…….I get the privilege of walking that truth out.
I have the joy of sharing in His suffering.
The honor of entering into the deepest of His fellowship.
The responsibility to suffer well.