• August 31, 2016 /  Uncategorized

    #8 The Lord assigns me my portion and my cup.
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    Those of us who live with long-term illness or disability
    understand the conflict from within.
    Sometimes we war inside ourselves;
    against our illness
    against God
    against our expectations
    against the devil
    against the fear of man.
    And we fight, fight, fight
    trying to make sense of;
    why were not the healed ones
    and why they are.

    And sometimes when you are sitting long in your chronic
    unchanging
    painful
    messy
    You begin to wonder it maybe, just maybe
    you are not doing enough
    to secure your healing.

    And the inner war rages on.

    One summer morning, being sick of all this struggle
    that I knew was only adding insult to my injury
    I prayed a phenomenal prayer,
    rising up from the depths of my desperate heart.
    “I bind and release all python and constrictor spirits
    that think they can place any restrictions and limitations
    upon my life. I belong to the Christ.
    And it is by His Blood I pray.”

    Pretty good one, huh?
    But not better than this….

    The LORD assigns me my portion and my cup.
    He makes my lot secure.
    The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. 
    Psalm 16

    What a release of joy for me to remember
    the enemy has no right, piece of or say-so
    in my life.
    It doesn’t matter how broken my brain is
    or what the limits to my abilities may be…
    God sets the boundary lines in my life!
    He hands me my daily portions!
    He pours me my cup!

    I am free to love, serve and magnify my King
    right smack dab in the middle of where I am today.
    I receive only the limits and boundaries
    the Lord establishes for me…
    For His times and seasons
    for my own good
    and for His glory.

    I want you to wake up tomorrow dear friend
    open your eyes to your new day
    with all your own unique situations and circumstances
    and shout…….
    The LORD assigns me my portion and my cup.
    He makes my lot secure.
    The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places!

    I know I’m gonna. ūüôā

     

     

     

     

  • August 29, 2016 /  Uncategorized

    #7 One thing at a time and that done well is a very good rule as many can tell.
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    After I broke my brain I found that most simple tasks became very hard to do.
    And combining two everyday activities into one came to a screeching halt.
    Drinking coffee AND jotting a list simultaneously were not an option anymore.
    Doing dishes AND planning dinner at the same time wasn’t gonna happen.
    Answering the phone AND mouthing threats to a teen ceased from my existence.
    I found out very quickly what remains to this day…
    I CAN NO LONGER DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE.

    Since I am a self-accomplished multi-tasker from way back
    this came as a shocking, disappointing and disturbing discovery to me.
    Things that I could easily accomplish without a second thought
    became unbearably hard and unmanageable.
    I found I needed (and still do)
    every ounce of determined concentration
    for the project directly in front of me. Never mind two.

    It was therefore a pleasant discovery for me
    when I came across an article,
    then two…then three…
    that revealed a truth previously hidden from me.
    For the past 18 months I had been blaming my injured brain
    for yet another malady of my broken life…”Un-multi-tasking”…
    when in actuality my brain was never, ever wired
    to multi-task to begin with.
    Here’s the skinny..
    IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR OUR BRAINS TO MULTI-TASK,
    EVEN HEALTHY BRAINS.

    How’s that for a newsflash?

    Evidently our brains are not made to do two things at once
    so what they do instead as we are rushing around
    performing several tasks at the same time
    is switch vigorously back and forth
    between the two or three activities!

    Now that explains a bunch!
    If a healthy brain is striving to produce and keep up and calculate
    as we over load it with our huge to-do-now lists
    how much more a broke brain?
    It makes sense to me.
    And this revelation makes me feel…well…not quite so broken.

    I am aware that my readers are not of the Broken Brain Club.
    But all of us have broken places, or places that were broken that need healing.
    And everyone one us faces the demands of our day,
    the giants that tells us to “Move it, do it, hurry up and complete it.”
    Maybe it will give your hurried brain a rest as it has mine
    to remember….
    Only one thing and that done well is a very good rule as many can tell.
    Evidently it’s a good rule that our wise Creator came up with…
    for our benefit.

     

  • August 25, 2016 /  Uncategorized

    #6 There are Appointed Times and Seasons.
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    Many years ago in another place, another time, another life
    God pressed into my heart a lesson I have never forgotten.
    A lesson so deeply rooted inside of me
    that it took a bashed in brain to shake it loose again.
    “Don’t call it a bad day because of a bad morning.
    Don’t call it a bad week because of a bad day.
    And don’t call it a bad life because of a bad season.”
    Pretty nifty, huh?

    Appointed times and seasons come into our lives
    and then they are gone.
    Like the rising tide with its ebbing flow…
    in and out, in and out we go.
    Things change all the time.
    Nothing lies stagnant for long.
    Moments turn into whole sections of life that reel us in
    and then release us again.

    Wherever you find yourself today, in the happenings you are in
    remember appointed times and seasons.
    Take strong comfort in the truth
    that where you now is a piece of the whole.
    And all the pieces jigsawed together
    will make up the beautiful, crazy, puzzle of your life.

    For everything, there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.
    Ecclesiastes 3:1

     

     

  • August 25, 2016 /  Uncategorized

    #5 The Hidden Parts Receive The Greater Honor
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    One good thing about having a broken brain is that your compassion grows for other folks with broken brains.
    And your concern increases for other people with various disabilities,
    like the elderly, and the housebound, and the shut-in.
    When you have a broken brain you spend a little time each week thinking about
    how other broken people are faring in their daily lives
    and you wonder if they are feeling as lonely and left out as you.
    You sigh big sighs while you inhale deeply and exhale slowly,
    pondering those big thoughts
    that are rolling around in your injured head.

    Then you open up your Bible and run your hand over the well-worn pages that have become the theme of your life.
    You turn to familiar verses that comfort you in your loneliness
    and hold you in your  left-out-ed-ness.
    You skim and skip… until you land… then settle in
    to read and reread a verse that reminds you
    just how important you still are to the body of Christ.
    In this hidden place, it reads, you deserve the greater honor.
    The parts we consider less honorable, we treat with greater honor.
    And our unpresentable parts are treated with special modesty.
    1 Corinthians 12:23

    So there you have it
    from my Bible
    to this page
    into your eyeballs
    and hopefully sinking deep into your heart.

    The Hidden Parts Receive The Greater Honor.

  • August 24, 2016 /  Uncategorized

    #4 God’s Gifts and His Call are Irrevocable.
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    So… here I sit with a broken brain waiting for recovery to happen
    and healing to come.
    So I can press restart and “get back to” the life I once knew.
    A lot has changed. A really, really lot.
    One sloppy, slippery spot in my timeline and BAM
    life as I knew it was over.
    Well, pretty much.

    So much changed at that moment… too much to list.
    Thankfully, nine of my most important things have held steady
    like little anchors in my unsteady world.
    Thankfully.

    The Word of God has also held steady. It is always rich.
    Never for one moment does it lose its power
    to transform, encourage and heal.
    Several months ago I found a sparkle of gold amongst my rubble
    and I have held onto it ever since.
    Seven little Words that remind me of God’s Sovereign¬†plan for my life
    despite my current abilities, lacks and heartaches.

    God’s Gifts and His Call are Irrevocable. Romans 11:29

    I know what I am called to do during my little earth-stay.
    I am fully aware of the gifts God has invested in me and expects me to use.
    The Word of God burns within me and like Jeremiah said,
    But if I say, “I will not mention His word or speak anymore in His name,”
    His word is in my heart like a fire; a fire shut up in my bones.
    I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.


    Having a head injury does not disqualify me from the call of God.
    It does not exempt me.
    It does not ban me.
    It does not make me ineligible.
    And God didn’t¬†change His mind.
    He didn’t rethink, recalculate or reassess.
    He hasn’t withdrawn His original plan.
    Or revoked my God given talents
    Or renounced His investment in me.
    There has been no recall on my gifts.
    Nor will there ever be a recall on yours.

    Hold tight my friend to the investment that God has made in you.
    Discover it, dig it out, uncover it, dust it off (if it has been a while.)
    Shine them up, pass them around and enjoy them.
    God has without question and according to His Word
    handed each of us one, or two, or three or four gifts
    that we are to use for the building up of the body
    to edify one another.
    And in the situations, you are in, right in the middle of your life stuff
    God will show you a way to use those gifts for His glory!

  • August 24, 2016 /  Uncategorized

    barefoot-by-tim-rt-2x#3 BEING GROUNDED ISN’T ALWAYS BAD.

    In the months after my head injury, I noticed that I was doing something kinda weird all the time, at least it seemed like all the time.
    I had this subconscious addiction to touching…
    everything and everyone.
    When I was standing, I placed my hand on a nearby object.
    When I was walking, I held an arm or ran my hand along the wall.
    When I was chatting, I poised my hand on the other person shoulder,
    their forearm or elbow.
    I was always forever touching, placing, holding, resting
    on someone or something.
    Continually.

    Yes, I am dizzy from my repeated falls.
    Yes, my balance is off.
    But even on good days, I found myself becoming… well…
    a touching addict.

    I had a lengthy conversation with my daughter-in-law about my fetish for touching.
    We discussed the possibility of my subconscious need to control my surroundings especially since my life had spun out of control.
    We talked about my desire for human contact as a single disabled woman.
    We explored my thirst for connection since I had been severely severed from my community due to my current inabilities.
    We mentioned my longing to be “seen, heard and needed” during this trying time of separation and disjointedness.
    And we ended by checking every box with a yes, could be, likely, and probable.

    One day I was flipping through some information for head injured folks like me and to my sheer delight, I ran across an article on “Grounding.”
    Grounding” is the medical term for something broken brain people do to help steady themselves in their unsteady world.
    Not only physically…but just as much mentally.
    It seems as though science has proven that once a person receives an injury to their brain, the rest of their body begins to make up for the loss and attempts to stabilize itself using its other senses.
    One of the most common ways is through “Grounding.”
    Touching. Placing. Resting. Laying. Holding. Reaching. Steadying.

    Without realizing it, my wonderful, marvelous, fantastic brain was instructing the rest of my senses to pick up where there was lack and help me feel secure.

    Cool thing, this broken brain. It still works hard to be my friend.

    I really want to feel safe.
    I so desire to rest in secure.
    I love the feeling of steady.
    Grounding” provides all this for me.

    How about you?
    You ever wanna feel the warmth of a security blanket, even as an adult?
    Do you ever feel like calling out “Steady as she goes!”
    as your plodding through your life events?
    I do.     And that was before a head injury.
    I think God knew that we were gonna need some sure footing
    and a sticky grip.
    I think He understood that we were gonna have to have a dependable, immovable anchor to keep us steady during the course of our lifetime.
    We all desperately, maybe secretly, possibly unknowingly,
    desire to be “Grounded.”

    Since us, humans are¬†creations of a 3 in 1 design…
    1. body
    2. soul
    3. spirit
    it makes sense to me that each of those 3 part of us
    longs to experience “Grounded.”

    My body feels “Grounded” as I use a cane to walk.
    My soul senses “Grounded” as I rest my hand on a friend’s arm and converse.
    My spirit knows “Grounded” through the wonderful truths found in God’s Word.
    Truths like this gem hidden in Colossians
    holds me steady when canes are misplaced
    and friends are not near……
    “(Jesus) presents you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in His sight:
    (so) continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel.” Colossians 1:22-23

    What I pray for myself I also pray for you today, friend.
    Whatever your circumstances… may you daily feel “Grounded” in His love.
    “I pray that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to comprehend the length and width and height and depth of His love, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19

  • August 19, 2016 /  Uncategorized

    #1. NOT FOR ONE MOMENT HAS GOD STOPPED BEING GOD.
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    I remember it well. One chilly day in April 2016 my boys were heading out the door to “shoot some hoops.” My kindest son yelled back to me as they made their way outside, “Hey, mom, ya wanna come?”
    Well, “Hey, mom” was laying on her favorite couch in her
    “concussion position again” feeling the agony of a long-term head injury.
    But “Hey, mom” was sick and tired of bypassing everyday fun and stood to her feet and said to herself, “I pray hard. I’m gonna play hard too.”

    The rest of the story goes down in my head injury history.
    Split second timing.
    Shot gone bad.
    Ricochet off the rim.
    Severe blow to an already damaged brain.
    Falling to the cement below.
    Holding head in hands.
    In shock exclaiming, “What are the chances.”
    And I hadn’t even stepped on the court yet!

    My generous boys helped me back to my “concussion position” yet again.
    I remember laying in shock like disbelief.
    This would be the “one too many” concussions I had been warned about from several of my doctors.
    The ONE thing I was NOT to do. Get another head injury.
    And it had been done. In a glorious, all-out, full-force fashion.

    Welp, the boys headed back out the door to resume their game.
    I watched as one, two, then three passed by.
    By the time the third one was strolling by I grabbed his attention.
    “Hey,” I said, “I want to tell you something…..
    There has not been one moment in my life when God has stopped being God. ¬† ¬† ¬† Not. One. Moment.”

    I then closed my eyes to rest. I knew the routine.
    Darkness is a friend when you have a head injury.
    Silence is your buddy.
    Quietness and solitude are your pals.

    I lay still contemplating the events of the last 10 minutes.
    I retraced my steps from couch to court to couch again.
    That is when my broken brain realized the treasure that had been hidden deep inside somewhere.
    So deep, in fact, it took this most recent blow to bring it out.
    To pull it up to the surface for all to see.

    Some of the treasures of darkness I have had to work for
    to labor for
    to search out
    agonizing in pain
    crying out in frustration.

    Some of the treasures of darkness I having willingly panned for
    as an old gold miner content to search for that one piece of gold
    hidden among the sand.

    But this treasure of darkness was just given to me.
    Placed in my hands and in my mouth by a Sovereign loving God.
    This treasure came easy and lasted long.
    It is one of my favorite gems.
    I take it out often and admire it.

    NOT FOR ONE MOMENT HAS GOD STOPPED BEING GOD.

    Sometimes I wonder about others.
    I can’t be the only girl in this world that has struggled with the apparent disinterest¬†of an Almighty¬†God.
    Surely there have been times when someone else felt as though Gods silence was His lack of attention.
    After all, a Holy God who controls the spinning of this universe
    and all the events therein
    ought to be able to control a spinning basketball.

    On this broken brain journey, I have not found all of the answers.
    But I have discovered an abundance of treasures.
    Gems, rubies, and diamonds. Silver and gold. In abundance.
    Beautiful shining and shimmering jewels that I have strung into a lovely necklace that I put on and wear
    when I am laying on my couch in my “concussion position” again.

    Here now, take some of my extras.
    I have plenty.
    Let’s make a necklace for you.

     

  • August 18, 2016 /  Uncategorized

    Seventeen months ago I slipped and I fell and I bashed my head on the concrete walkway below. I imagine I shall never forget the cracking sound that penetrated my hearing inside and out as I took that blow.
    One icy walkway, one slippery step, one quick instant and my whole life changed.
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    It has taken me a very long time wrestling with grief, guilt, pain, shock, self-pity and denial before I could even seriously consider putting down on paper my many and varied adventures doing life with a broken brain.
    After all, who wants to hear the torrid details of me…when everybody else has their own difficult stuff they are marching through every day?

    Sooooo hoping to avoid more bellyaching  (though I firmly believe there are places to stop, choke, wince, gag, gasp, and puke on this broken brain pathway.)
    I would like to share some of the lessons I’ve learned on this unexpected journey.
    Because,¬†could be, maybe, there is someone out there that is facing their own rugged terrain… or deep valley… or high mountain.
    And maybe, possibly, I could be the voice that calls to them in their darkness, letting them know that they are not alone.
    And maybe, perhaps, through these little lessons, we can develop a community of life-doers who find some strength in numbers and comfort in the character of their God.
    Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps.

    Each post will reveal only one life lesson…short, simple, and to the point.
    The blogs will be written so my readers can jump in anytime and follow,
    or look back and reread,
    or feast on several blogs at a time with a cup of coffee in hand,
    or digest individual life lessons one by one.

    I have a strong hunch you as the reader are gonna identify yourself wrapped in the pages of these blog posts…head trauma¬†or not…
    because suffering,
    inconvenience,
    interruption,
    intrusion,
    game-changers,
    and delays
    are all a part of everyone’s¬†life
    no matter our age, rank or serial number.

    Stuff happens that we can’t control.
    Life twists and turns at the most unexpected places.
    Disappointment becomes a frequent visitor.
    And we hang a banner over our unwelcomed hardships that reads,
    “I didn’t sign up for this.”

    Eventually, though, we move from crying in the dust to standing on wobbly legs.
    When realization settles heavy on us… we come to grips with the fact
    there is no other way but through….
    so we take a deep breath, square our chin and proceed forward.
    We have make the brave decision that we are gonna walk the pathway in front of us. The one that has our name on it

    It is on this very broken walkway, where dreams have been shattered
    and “normal” disfigured that we find secrets hidden along the way…
    Buried beneath the rubble of suffering,
    concealed amidst damaged hopes,
    tucked away between fragments of pain….
    We find, to our  surprise, treasures hidden in the darkness.
    Our own private collection of rubies, diamonds, and other gems
    strategically placed along the path we are trodding.
    Concealed in rocky crevices, sprinkled among thorns and thistles.
    All there for the taking. All meant to be collected. All designed for the showroom.

    What God whispers in the darkness is designed to be revealed in the light.
    Glimmering jewels are purposed to be taken out and examined.
    Shared and passed around.
    Admired.
    Treasured.
    Valued.

    I am blessed beyond measure to have a tiny little platform that allows me a voice.
    As one traveling through a wildness, the mostly uncharted land of the brain injured, I have the honor and the privilege of sharing with my brothers and sisters the gems I have discovered along the way.
    The secrets of darkness.
    ——————————————————————————————–
    Welcome to….I BROKE MY BRAIN (and the lessons I’ve learned)